Dear Photograph,
My parents divorced when I was 9 years old. I have no memory of them ever being happy together.

Chris Peters
----------

Dear Chris,
They were. At some point, they were.

Love,
Photograph

Shutterbugs love Shutterfly!

It's that time of year again. Yes, we need to trim the tree, but more importantly, everyone wants the perfect photo Christmas card. The one that family and friends will "ooh" and "aah" over. The one that they'll keep displayed all year long. So many choices go into the creation of this annual event. Which photographer to use? Indoor or outdoor location? What should everyone wear? Which pose looks best?

Even as a semi-professional photographer, I worried over these same decisions. After all your careful preparation, you finally get an incredible portrait, but if you choose the wrong printing company, the finished product can be very disappointing.

And that decision is one I can definitely help you with. I've used many different websites over the years, but now I can honestly say that my loyalty lies with one in particular.

When the new baby came, I started a free Shutterfly website and haven't turned back. I used them for his birth announcements and loved how they turned out. I made a Shutterfly photo book of his first two months and my daughter loves flipping through it regularly. For his first Halloween, I tried Shutterfly's 5x7 folded card and they looked stunning!

So, I have the pictures taken and I'm getting ready to choose one of the new Christmas designs. I can't wait to see the finished product! Shutterfly is also helping me take care of my Christmas list. My grandparents recently sold their farm, so I have a lot of photos that I'm going to use to put together a calendar to give as gifts to my family as a keepsake. I also plan to use Shutterfly to make invitations for my daughter's upcoming birthday.

Whew! Enough chit chat. I need to get on Shutterfly.com and get busy!

**Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly, follow the arrow at http://bit.ly/sfly2010

Since I change my blogs about as often as I change purses.....

new one here.

Eclipse Trailer

2-15-03

Last Trimester

I had my six month appointment a couple weeks ago, when I was 25 weeks. Check out his leg...

The sonographer estimated that the little guy was 1 lb. 10 oz, which means he gained 8 oz in two weeks. The doctor said that I had only gained a pound since my last visit and she would normally be concerned about that, but she checked baby and he was measuring at 26-27 weeks. She said, "You are eating aren't you?" I answered affirmatively and she said, "Well, you must be eating healthy." I just laughed since I've been on the Girl Scout cookies and pizza diet.

He's been kicking me a lot, which A enjoys feeling. She loves to put her hands on my stomach and talk to "her baby" and give him kisses everyday. She tells him goodnight and came up with a great name for him (which I will be keeping a surprise). We wrote a countdown on her calendar so that she knows how many days are left before he comes home. She is pretty impatient, but I love that she is so excited and so involved. I would have thought that she would have forgotten about him or become disinterested by now, but she literally talks about him all the time. She includes him in conversations and asks me what he thinks and plans what she's going to help with and what she's going to teach him.

She has become quite the little artist. I remember not that long ago, wondering when I would be able to tell what her scribbles meant. I definitely can now. She LOVES to draw. On anything. Anywhere. Anytime. Her teacher told me that she is very impressed with her work and loves seeing what she comes up with. She said most of the kids in the class don't really have a purpose to their drawings yet, but A knows what she is drawing and has a story to go along with it. Her daily journal is full of adorable pictures. They get a subject everyday and are asked to draw about it. Hers actually match and are easily recognizable. Everyday I pick her up and she races to her cubby to show me today's drawings. One day, it was "a dinosaur bone sticking out of the ground". So cute. This one is from last night.

While I'm pleased that she has that outlet (and very relieved that she isn't drawing sad faces and people crying), I'm pretty concerned about the way she interacts with kids now. She used to be pretty assertive and confident. Now, she seems to be letting kids push her around and desperately seeking their approval. There is one girl in her class, "Ramona", that adores her, but A seems to ignore her and instead tries so hard to impress this other girl, "Amy", that couldn't seem to care less. A talks about her all the time and wonders if she will be at school today. She follows that up with the hope that "Susan" won't be there because she is friends with Amy, but doesn't like A. I didn't realize I would have to deal with these classroom politics so soon. It feels like she is suddenly very insecure, which is understandable, but so very sad.

She still talks about her Daddy all the time. We seem to have made some progress in the fact that she no longer seems to blame herself, but seems to understand that problem was between the two adults. At first, she kept asking why Daddy didn't want to live with her anymore and I kept correcting her that he didn't want to live with me, but he would love to live with her. This past weekend, she did a little role playing with the prince and princess that dance together in her jewelry box. We were sitting there watching them spin and she said, "That's you and Daddy." A few minutes later, she pretends to be him and says, "I don't love you anymore! and I don't love you anymore!" and pretended to rip them apart. I really didn't know what to say to that one, so I just scowled.

Later, she wanted me to pretend to be Santa and was feeding me lines about my part. She said, "Santa, my Daddy doesn't live with me anymore. Will you be my Daddy?" As always, I told her that he was still her Daddy. She said, "I know. We're just pretending."

The next day, she asked (out of the blue), "You and Daddy are mad at each other?" The whole "Sometimes grown-ups just don't get along" seems like a cop out and I feel like I owe her an explanation. He certainly isn't expounding on the subject when she brings it up--his answer is always "It's complicated." And yet, I keep telling her that if she has questions or wants to talk about it, to let me know. So, I told her that, yes, I was mad at Daddy for awhile because he wasn't spending much time with us (which is a huge oversimplification). And I told her that I honestly didn't know why he was mad at me, but that I wished he would come back home*. And she seemed to accept that answer for the moment. While I don't want to be crying in front of her daily, I think is important for her to understand that she and I are both upset about the situation.

*UGH---Nevermind. A friend just felt the need to let me know about what I miss on you-know-who's Facebook page. It is clear where his priorities lie and they certainly aren't family-oriented. Sounds like his family (and a lot of new friends) sure stand by him, though. Wow. Just...wow.

Anyway....I've had a cold for the past two weeks that I can't get over and am completely miserable. Which is why I'm up at 4 am...again...because I can't breathe and can only sleep for an hour at a time before I have to get up to hack up pieces of my lung. I remember having a cold for the entire last trimester with A. That better not be a pattern.

The issue of whether or not we can keep the house is still being debated, but I'm getting down to the wire so I need to start working on the nursery while I still have energy. We'll see how that goes.

This is part of the development sheet from the Munchkin's 4 year check up. Some of her answers to the questions cracked me up. What is a ceiling? "It is up there with the lights." She was supposed to draw a person and she did, complete with a baby in its tummy. She had her Tinkerbell party and it was lots of fun.

So, I started a job at the beginning of the month. The people I work with are super nice.

I'm 24 weeks now. I had my 5 month appt in December and there wasn't much to report. I'll start having monthly sonograms now and then at 32 weeks, I'll start the non-stress tests, whatever those are. I've only gained a pound in 2 months, so I guess that shows that stress is good for weight management. I'd probably gained 20 pounds by this point with the Munchkin. I can't actually take the medicine that they prescribed to stop my contractions because it put me right to sleep and left me completely groggy the entire next day. I tried to explain to my doctor that since I have a 4 year old to take care of by myself, that just isn't an option. So, I've just been dealing with the contractions and they haven't been too bad.

...until Wednesday night. I had a 2D ultrasound at the perinatologist that day. The little guy weighs 1 lb, 2 oz and I got to see him yawn.

I felt kind of strange that afternoon, but I wasn't really sure what was wrong. I ate a little dinner, but I was having contractions and just didn't feel right. Around 7 pm, I started having painful ones. I was actually crying at one point. My husband was here when they started (they seem to happen more frequently when he is around), but he had dinner plans (no comment), so he left and my mom came over to be with me. The painful ones were coming every 10 minutes, so I called the doctor on call. She said to go to the ER, of course, because that's always what they say. So, my sister came over to watch the Munchkin and my mom drove me to the hospital.

Because I'm over 20 weeks, they took me directly up to the Labor/Delivery Ward. They hooked me up to a fetal monitor and all that fun jazz. I threw up a few times and the contractions stopped. My back was killing me and I suddenly just felt sick all over.

I was dehydrated, so they stuck an IV in me and gave me some juice and an anti-nausea medicine. The nurse finally decided that I just had a stomach bug. She said the contractions were probably just stress and the back pain was likely from a little fall I had on the stairs a few days before. I slept most of the next day and felt much better on Friday. I did ask my husband to take the Munchkin to daycare and pick her up, so I really appreciate him doing that.

I don't know what the deal was with those contractions, but I hope they don't come back because that was not cool. The baby moves around a LOT. I remember being so awed by the movement with the Munchkin. It is a lot less magical this time around, as this whole experience is, given the circumstances. He is making things very uncomfortable for me. All that energy I had a couple weeks ago is suddenly gone. My hips kill me at night, so I switch sides every hour, at least. The acid reflux was bad in my last trimester with the Munchkin, but it started early with this one. Doesn't matter what I eat or when I eat it...I'm going to suffer. It is especially bad with chocolate, though. :(

The Munchkin does love talking about the baby and feeling the baby kick and coming up with names for the baby. She is the only one excited, it seems, but I do love that she is. She kisses him goodnight and "tickles" him and talks to him. And she tells everyone she sees about her baby brother. It is pretty adorable.

I'm pretty worried about her, though. I thought things would get easier for her, but they really haven't. She's always been such a great sleeper. She stayed in her bed pretty well and once she was asleep, you didn't hear from her until you wake her up. When her dad moved out, she asked if she could sleep with me and she has been ever since. The two nights when I was sick, I told her she needed to sleep in her own bed so that she didn't get my germs. Both nights, she woke up in the middle of the night crying and she had wet the bed. She said she had nightmares about her family disappearing.

In the class for divorcing parents that the county made me take, they mentioned that young children would be worried about the parent they live with leaving too. That makes me so sad that she thinks I might leave her. It breaks my heart. I try to reassure her constantly that I will always be here.

Her first week back at preschool went well and the teacher was very impressed with her. But, then the next week she told a kid that she was going to kill them, got caught dumping a bunch of toilet paper in the toilet for fun and hit a kid with a block. She throws insane tantrums now where she screams as loud as she can and throws things. I sense a lot of anger in her and I don't blame her one bit.

At her 4 year check up, her usually reserved doctor was downright chatty with me, expressing sympathy over the situation and offering any help. She suggested that I take her to a therapist. How sad is that? My 4 year old is going to have a therapist. Ugh.